List of Co parenting boundaries
When parents decide to separate, the child is most affected in such broken marriages. Partners can find new partners, but children can’t search for a new bunch of parents. It’s upon both father and mother to create a set of co-parenting boundaries, so that children don’t suffer in a broken family.
10 Healthy Co-parenting boundaries:
Financial boundary is very necessary:
When a court decrees separation of a couple, or even a divorce, the financial decision is issued too. Parents need to communicate about their income and set a financial boundary where both of the parents share equal, or a quantitative ratio of the child expenses, according to their affordability. It’s only possible when both of the parents are willing to sit at a table for discussion of their child’s goodwill. Financial responsibilities need to be split and should not be limited to only one parent holding the custody.
Respect of other Parent:
A child can only be a respectful individual, when he is taught by what parents do. Parents need to keep their personal differences aside when dealing with each other on a child’s matters. Respect your ex in front of your kid even if your ex-partner is not present. Avoid ill speech or discussion about the past while spending time with your kid. Avoid discussing your personal and past life with your kid. Allow them to communicate and explain things to you.
Don’t use your child as a messenger:
Remember your child is not your messenger. Communicate with your ex-partner on your own. Either is it financial discussion or any general discussion that needs to be addressed, don’t use your child for that. Such kids cannot be healthy individuals who are always worried about figuring out what their parents are going through.
Avoid indulging kids in your personal differences.
Don’t speak ill of your Ex’s new partner:
Your child is already going through the difficult time of split parents. Don’t speak ill of your ex’s new partner. This will make them hate the new person and difficulty in accepting the relationship with step parents. Teach your kid to respect their step parents, and behave nicely with them.
No matter how many differences there are, you shouldn’t compromise on your child’s habits. They shouldn’t embrace hate at an age when they need to seek positivity from surroundings.
Don’t harass your child for choosing their parent:
You are not an option for your child. Don’t make them feel guilty for living with their father or mother. Such emotional stresses deform a child’s personality for future life decisions.
Tell them you understand who they chose to live with and you still love them no matter what happens. Rather than harassing or reacting impulsively to their decision, discuss how you can overcome flaws in parenting. Understand them!
Custody of your child:
As per law, children under 18 years old can’t choose their parents and live with mothers. However, parents need to sort this out on their own. If a mother is unwilling to keep custody of her kid, the father needs to apply for custody. Mutual communication can be effective. However, adult kids can choose on their own. Parents need to understand that without any displeasure.
Don’t make your child’s life decisions alone:
No matter who holds the custody of a child, it’s necessary to be involved in the life decisions of your kid. Whether it is decisions of schooling, subjects of interest, marriage or selecting a partner, don’t do it alone. Both of the partners should ask the kids in their presence about interests and preferences and you both should opt for a solution. You shouldn’t deprive your ex-partner from their rights of parenting.
Attend your Child’s events together:
Whether it is a birthday or graduation, wedding or family parties, attend your child’s events together, not as husband and wife, but as patient mother and father. Your child shouldn’t be deprived of a mother or father. Kids want a complete family for their safety, don’t let your previous mistakes and past life take that from them
Your child is NOT your therapist:
Don’t discuss your breakup, emotional distress, new relationship and other such problems with your kid. Either seek help from a professional or avoid discussing that with your kid. Children need to be heard and understood. Listen to them and spend quality time with them. They are already going through split parenting, don’t burden them with something they can’t solve.
Make a realistic approach to solve things together without arguing:
Bother the parents need to understand that the child is not a responsibility of only one parent. Emotionally safe environment is only possible when both the parents explain to their kids about real life problems and that a breakup between mother and father can’t split their relationship of parenting. A safe environment is only possible when parents don’t argue in front of their kid. Don’t use abusive language or sarcastic remarks to blame each other for the past. It is okay, marriages break and it shouldn’t destroy a child’s personality for the future. Tell your kid, no matter how much differences are among you as a partner, you both are there for him as a father whenever they need.
Frequently asked questions:
What boundaries should be set for parenting?
Financial boundaries, discussion and mode of communication with your child, physical help, emotional support and a safe environment for a kid should be set prior to separating your ways from your partner. Don’t let your separation affect your child’s life.
How to shut down a narcissistic mother?
Mothers usually are narcissistic and are possessive towards their kids. Such parents can be dealt with by remaining calm, avoiding arguments with them. Fathers should be assertive to provide mothers with constant safety that they don’t want to take their kids away but are only completing their duties as a father. Kids should set a boundary and don’t let such mothers attack their personal life nor let them gaslight their decision. Kids should politely mark a boundary when it comes to any verbal abuse.
