What is Co-Parenting?
When a couple decides to get divorced or separate their ways, it affects the relationships associated with them too, especially the child or children they own.
Co Parenting is the arrangement made to not let your kids be affected by your divorce or separation. It means both parents can interact with each other without harassing and being in a romantic relationship.
It’s associated with factors that are necessary for a child’s personality development, and avoiding chaos for a child’s custody.
Types of Co-parenting:
Studies show three types of co-parenting that arises after divorce or separation.
The post-divorce-co-parenting can be categorized as:
•Conflicted Co-parenting
•Coordinated Co-parenting
•Parallel Co-parenting
Here’s how they work!
Conflicted Co-parenting:
Conflicted Co-parenting arises when parents can’t move on from their past experiences with each other. They can’t face each other after divorce or separation. Such parents avoid each other to avoid conflict or awkwardness. It can also be because of their work routines or schedules which don’t allow parents to reunite at the need of hour.
Such parents create mayhem and chaos while taking the life decisions of a kid when they finally reunite. Arguments, abuse and ill treatment toward each other disturb a child’s growth. Children become a matter of dispute. Such parenting produces emotionally distressed and anxious children who don’t function properly in society.
Parallel Co-parenting:
Parallel Co-parenting prepares ignored children. In such parenting, both the parents are independent individuals with lots of preferences. Such parents don’t keep their children or past life in their priority list. They interact less and aren’t concerned about their child’s progress or life. Such parents raise neglected children.
Usually work or household routines and priorities are the main cause of such parenting. Such parents are busy in their new lives.
Coordinated Co-Parenting:
It’s one of the most effective ways of parenting where parents are not in a wedlock but still understand the situation and adjust accordingly. Such parents coordinated well, trying to keep a respectable boundary for the kid. They don’t discuss the past, neither shut nor play the blame game for the current situation. Such parents coordinate in a manner where the child feels safe near parents. Unlike conflict co-parenting, such kids don’t blame themselves for disputes. Emotional maturity and respect arises from there. Coordinated Co-Parenting can be acknowledged by conscious Co-Parenting.
Conscious Co-parenting:
Conscious Co-Parenting is defined as consciously taking measures to avoid conflict with your ex-partner for the sake of your child. It is associated with adopting a kind gesture towards your ex-partner, ignoring personal differences and working together for the betterment of your child. Coordinated Co-Parenting follows conscious Co-Parenting.
It’s to note that all the three types of parents are not rigid and can change into any of the time as time progresses.
7 Steps for Healthy Co-Parenting:
Healthy Co-Parenting requires effective tips which may prove fruitful while dealing with such circumstances.
If you are far away from your kid, try to keep visiting your kid on a weekly/monthly basis, either at their home, or somewhere nearby.
Keep making plans for outings with your kid alone. Don’t let them forget you. As per your child’s interest, make sure you take them to museums, art galleries, parks, libraries or cafés where they feel change and are encouraged to speak to you.
Don’t avoid your child’s questions. Allow them to speak and explain to them some life decisions are necessary for peace. Make sure they don’t feel it is unnatural and normalize being a parent.
Always discuss your child’s hobbies, what they like to eat, their likes and dislikes, favorite movies and books. Parents need to know such basics about their children so that they get a feeling of being known
Never forget your child’s date of birth. Make them feel known and never miss your child’s birthday. Even if you don’t make it to their birthday party, make sure you leave a note or text for them that shows your concern about them.
If you are a mother, make sure you know about your son’s or daughter’s progress in life. Try to teach them what mothers need to teach their sons or daughters. Try to communicate about things they are shy at. No one can teach your kids about what decisions to make, or growth related problems, either are hormonal imbalances or other natural urges. If your kid is growing up, make sure you know about what challenges they are facing.
Don’t scold your kids in front of your new partner. Understand them and tell them their mistakes in a safe room so they can’t be embarrassed in front of someone else. Remember, your new partner will care about things according to your priority list. Make sure you don’t abuse your kid in front of anyone.
Frequently asked questions:
1. What is considered harassment by a co parent?
When a parent intentionally causes emotional distress on a child, by using abusive language, repeated calls and texts it’s considered harassment. Such parents may physically abuse their kids by beating them unnecessarily, or shouting at them. Severity of harassment defines measures to be taken against such harassment.
2. What is conscious co parenting?
Conscious Co-Parenting means consciously keeping your ego and negative reaction on side, just for the sake of your child’s better growth. Providing all safe methods to raise your kid. Conscious co parenting approach focuses on coordination among parents, and association with your child’s betterment.
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