Why is my Father so Mean

Are you wondering why your father is so toxic and mean? Is he unnecessarily yelling at you and it disturbs you to have a father like him? It is obvious your relationship with your father is not strong enough and you cannot ask your father about all this frustration and anxiety he has. It is more likely associated with his lifestyle or there might be triggering reasons at home too. There are unlimited reasons you can think about. You, being a child in a growing phase might wander to sort out the cause or you are just hating him for his completely different attitude than as fathers of your friends or cousins.

Possible Reasons for “Why is your Father so Mean”

Here are some basic reasons due to which your father might appear to be mean and heartless to you:

1. Over Expectations:

One of the general reasons due to which our parents appear mean and frustrated to us is just because we are over expecting from our parents. Whatever your father does for you is not according to your expectations. You are judging your father for the expectations that you have created in your head.

Just sit and think, which reasons make you feel your father is mean? Is it because he does not care for you as he should? If it is the reason, just think how would he know where he lacks in parenting when everything you expect him to be is just in your head? You have a different version of your father who exists in your own thoughts, and when your father is not coming up to your expectations, it is more likely you are not communicating your needs and expectations to him. 

2. You probably Dislike your father’s rules for discipline:

It is more likely, you think your father is mean because you hate your father’s rules. He might be implementing his life beliefs on you, and children usually dislike it. If you think your father is too gross in terms of rules, it is because you are not a person of rules. You can communicate it to your father and explain the reason behind your dislike for his specific rules and regulations.

3. Past traumas and Generational Trauma:

What did you find out from your grandparents, uncles, aunts or family members about your father as a child? Was he the neglected one? Or your family members told you that your paternal grandfather was a strict man who would not tolerate any mistakes or inconveniences at home? If your father has past traumas associated with parenting, either he was brought up by a bad step father or he had to live with any of his step parents, his generational trauma is inherited from there. This is the reason, your father is mean and too toxic to know about himself. When our parents are too strict, they actually are not aware of their own bitterness. 

4. Mental health issues:

Trauma in childhood or severe PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, is the base of serious mental health issues, excess of which is in the form of anger management issues. You might be considering it rudeness towards you only, while this is actually a clinical symptom of his functioning. Rather than thinking negatively of your father, consider him a mentally unstable person who needs care and love from his family, you and your siblings. Mental health issues can become very serious if left untreated.

Be cautious about what you are actually judging. The anger issues can be more provoked due to your complaints and constant judgements. Give your father the margin of being a human who can be fragile or make mistakes too.

5. Style in parenting:

Parenting styles speak a lot of a parent towards his kids.  Your father might be an authoritative parent who believes that love and a soft attitude do not encourage safe growth. Such parents have an authority over their kids and lack sympathy while deciding on something associated with their children. You might have noticed that your father is soft towards your friends or kids around, but when it comes to you, his tone changes and there is less or no warmth for you. This style of parenting is authoritarian and it is usually adopted by parents who were brought up by the same parenting style.

6. Pressure from the society: 

Well if you are part of a society that focuses on masculine abilities and many powers, it might be the reason behind your father’s continuous coarse relationship with you. Usually Asian culture promotes chauvinism and encourages the fathers to raise sons with strong masculine features. Due to these reasons, fathers are distant from their own kids. As per every society, social norms and traditions are completely different, and so is the definition of masculinity. 

7. Your father lack love in his early life:

Your father might lack loving role models in his early life. How can he be a loving and caring dad when he does not know how a loving date looks? This deficiency is prolonged and who knows, your father wanted to have a loving child for a very long time? This deficiency is a two way involvement and you might be on that stage of life where your steps towards your dad might cure his natural deficiency of a warm blood relationship.

8. Is your father perfectionist?

Perfectionism can be a prominent sign of narcissism. Your father is always expecting perfect from you, and when you do not come up to the mark, he might be frustrated. If your father has a pre-planned the whole life plan for you, and he actually want you to take all the steps as per his perfect plans, it is more likely that your dislocation from the expected plan is frustrating him. If your father is controlling in nature, he is expecting you to come up on his expectations, and when your path changes a little bit, or any natural reason disrupts the natural flow, his perfectionism is severely hurt. This can be a reason behind his mean attitude towards you.