Co Parenting with a Narcissist
A narcissist can be really hard to deal with when encountered in the form of any relationship. A narcissist is usually preferred to be avoided in public, but things become serious when you are co-parenting with a narcissist.
Co-Parenting is already tough. All the three forms of Co-Parenting become complicated when it is with a narcissist co-parent. The only solution while parenting with a narcissist is parallel parenting.
How to Handle CO-PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST:
Co-Parenting with a narcissist is the toughest thing anyone can ever face. Here are 4 ways you can deal with a narcissistic co-parent.
1.PARALLEL CO-PARENTING:
Parallel parenting is the most efficient method to co-Parent with a narcissistic partner. Parallel parenting involves minimal interaction between mother and father, thus the narcissistic parent cannot disgrace the other non-toxic partner. Such parenting, although having its negative side effects, is the only solution to avoid difficult situations.
2.LIMIT COMMUNICATION:
Limit communication when you feel things are slipping out of your hand. Your narcissistic partner needs to seek professional help, so to avoid your own mental chaos, step back for your own mental peace. Remember your ex is not only your ex now, you are co-Parents too. Besides that, you need to prefer your mental health for moving on from a relationship too. Do not risk your serenity at a cost you cannot pay.
3.DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THEM:
Narcissists want to be known. They cannot risk their self-importance, and if you fear them, you provide them the food to prey on. Do not be afraid of their dominance, and just disconnect from where you feel disgraced or tortured. Avoid frequent meetings and follow a parenting plan. Do not let your child be used as a victim card by the other parent.
4. DO NOT CONTROL, COMPETE OR ARGUE:
Do not argue with a mentally unstable person. Remember you cannot compete with someone suffering from narcissism. Accept them and be careful when you deal with them in those limited interactions. Be kind. Your rude temperament may intrigue them and this may prove a difficult challenge in parenting. Be careful and do not be over controlling. Your main concern should be focusing on your child’s upbringing and not competing with your ex. Do not let your past make you stubborn.
Signs you are Co Parenting with a Narcissist:
It is necessary to identify your co-Parent with certain qualities if they bother you. Here are 5 signs your co-Parent can be a narcissist:
1.CONSTANTLY CRITICISING:
Narcissistic Co-Parents are constantly criticizing the other parent for bringing up their kids wrong. More likely a humiliation.
2.MANIPULATION:
Narcissistic partners are huge manipulators. They emotionally blackmail to manipulate the other partner, usually to get rid of their responsibilities.
3.GASLIGHTING:
Narcissistic co-Parents are very good at gaslighting. They do not take responsibility for their actions and usually gaslight the other partner.
4.EXAGGERATED SELF IMPORTANCE:
They usually think themselves extraordinarily important, and are always seeking validation. Narcissistic parents usually follow Borderline Personality Disorder, and they need serious psychological help.
5. THEY ARE NEVER SATISFIED:
Narcissistic co-Parents can never be satisfied. They always have someone or something to blame for the least minor inconveniences they ever faced.
PHRASES TO USE WHEN CO PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST:
The most effective method in dealing with a co parent is using some phrases to outsmart your narcissistic ex-partner with whom you are Co-Parenting.
Here are some phrases that show how you can deal with your narcissistic partner, without falling prey to narcissism.
1. I understand how you feel, but we need to think it out of emotions for our child’s betterment:
This is to keep reminding them that your emotional sides are now not available for any other relationship besides Co-Parenting. This is highlighting the boundary of the topics of communication.
2. I am sorry you feel that way, but it’s not to make you feel like this:
Just to highlight you are not there to harass or humiliate your ex. Do not repeat the past life, just be careful in what you speak to them now.
3. I understand your stance, and you are completely right, but we can see things in this other direction too:
It’s necessary to tell your co-Parent that both of you are right but you need to put yourself in their shoes and vice versa to understand what you are working on.
4. Let’s not debate on this and ask from our child what he/she wants:
Provide a free hand by asking your child what suits him more. Do not impose, just provide him with both the ideas of you and your co-Parent, and allow your kid to decide what works for him best.
5. I know you since very long and I expect you will respect our previous encounters too:
Respect is earned until you start giving respect too. Be polite and just make sure you tell them you expect best from them. When you tell a narcissist you expect good moral values, they try to keep their legacy in that.
6. I need to apologize for what wrongdoings happened, but let’s not that affect our child:
Never hesitate in apologizing when it is your fault. Do not apologize when you are right either. Just set your boundaries that your personal differences will not affect your child.
7. Let’s be on point, our child can be uncomfortable with the arguments:
When your arguments are heating up, remind your partner that this can disturb your child. Let your co-Parent work on that.