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How to be a Good Step Father

So finally you have decided to choose a wife who already has kids from another partner before? It is difficult to be a stepfather, because step-parenting demands lots of patience and sacrifices. You can be a stepfather, but it takes effort to be a really supportive and good stepfather. It is obvious the children of your wife might be very vulnerable to accept you in place of their real dad, they might reject you as a dad, but accept you as a life partner to their mother. There are multiple factors involved with step-parenting.

It is obvious that all your efforts on being a good father have failed too because step parenting is much harder than real fatherhood. You would be investing all your efforts and your partner might not be sure about your love towards your step children and family. However, if you are sincere in your relationship with your wife and really care for your step children, you can easily deepen your roots in the family, only through love, understanding and affection.

Effective Ways to be a Good Step Father

Here are 5 important steps that, if taken, can help you in being a good stepfather.

Good Step Father

1.Acceptance and patience:

One of the very basics of all is your acceptance and patience in this relationship with your step children and wife.  1st of all you need to accept that it is not only a change and decision of your life , but also affiliated with the decisions of your wife and children as well. It is not a one or two days or months job, but a job of lifetime, even when your own kids are born too. So accept this as a duty and not as a burden.

It is a responsibility and you cannot deny the changes in your step children’s life as well. Secondly, patience is a very important step for the basis of all healthy relationships. You might get very frustrated out of all of your efforts, and still you have to be patient because things would not function the other way.  Remain calm and accept the fact with patience.

2. Adopt Communication as first rule:

Father and son spending time together

Communication is one of the very necessary things in all sorts of relationships, especially when it is step parenting. You have to make sure all your new family members understand your communication style and communicate their own concerns too. Once you and your family are open to very bitter but transparent and honest discussions, you will face less challenges.

The time you are investing to dig out the cause behind a sudden change of environment will be then utilised to solve the problem. You can start it like sitting in the family snack time and explaining simple things to your step children which are meant to be understood like, “hey kids, I do not mind it you are not calling me “dad”, but I do not like being called by my name too, let’s change it to be friendship and you can call me “amigo” too.” And other small things with a solution can be communicated.

3. Children are children, no matter they are step or not:

Remember children are all the same. Some might have trauma responses like their biological father’s role in their life, but they might be just aggressive about it. Let them channelise their emotions and then you can explain to them how you are going to spend your life with them. You have to speak to them in their language and elaborate what their concerns are.

dad and kid talking

They might be possessive about their mother. Explain to them that you are not there to snatch a mother from her kids but are there to be a support system in upbringing of the children. They are children and hate cannot dwell for life long, if you are there to provide your step children with a platform to communicate.

4. Do not be over strict or extra bitter:

Remember, kids of broken families are usually traumatised and disturbed. No matter how good a mother your wife is to her children, she cannot be a father and mother at the same time. Your relationship with your children is just an initiation to their new life lessons. Make sure you are not extra strict to your step children. They will definitely be worn out by the sudden interference of a complete stranger.

You can be protective but your hardness may deepen the frustration for you. If you are yelling at your son, it is more likely creating serious holes in your step-sons personality. Rules are good, until it is helping to build up quality characteristics. If your rules are affecting your step children’s emotions, let it go. You can maintain discipline in a healthy environment as well!

5. Normalise their discussion about their biological father:

Things become disturbing when your step children are reluctant to speak about their own father in your presence. It becomes awkward for small kids to manage and then completely cover what they were speaking about. Give your step children the liberty to discuss their father with you or your wife. Kids, either step or biological, need to be heard. Hear them. It is obvious they might have a serious hate relationship with their father.

They may speak in frustration against their father for not being around when they needed them the most. Rather than being offensive, hear them and explain why their father was not there and how they can work back in life and get rid of trauma. Your positive words about life can be a ray of hope for life. Seek positivity in every small thing and explain it to them. Rather than shouting and speaking ill against their real father, ask them to see the other side of the picture as well.

This topic can be a very important discussion topic between you and your step children and they might feel better after talking to you.

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